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Quiz from the Far Side

Monday 06th October 2008

Yes, but is it art?: Stade Fran�ais's latest fashion statement

Do you have what it takes to join News from the Far Side's team of crack investigators? Are you ready to investigate any crack, no matter how far offside? Are you steeped in in-depth knowledge of all the world's great rugby mysteries?

The first step to joining our undercover squad begins here. Crouch, touch, pause and engage against the inaugural Diverse Rugby InVestigation and Extreme Levity (DRIVEL) Test to see if you're up to scratch.

Send your answers in now and see if you can cut the mustard amongst rugby's investigative elite.

Questions:

1. Stade Fran�ais's recently released third jersey:

a) Is Andy Warhol's worst nightmare,
b) Was designed by a colour blind schizophrenic,
c) Features the Blanche of Castile - ruler of France in the 13th century,
d) Is a homage to Christophe Dominici's high school sweetheart,
e) Is a homage to hooker Dimitri Szarzewski.

2. England fly-half Jonny Wilkinson is:

a) One of those dolls doctors use for physiotherapy practice exams,
b) Made of cotton wool,
c) On holiday in the Caribbean,
d) Newcastle's only hope of avoiding relegation

3. The ELVs are:

a) The best thing since ciabatta (better than sliced bread),
b) An evil plot by dwarf Australians to eliminate scrumming,
c) Rules of rugby league,
d) Going to be cast in stone before the next World Cup,
d) An acronym for Extremely Limited Variety Spectacle.

4. De Wet Barry is:
a) A former Springbok wrestler,
b) A South African weather system,
c) EDF Energy Cup player,
d) A synonym for 'clothes line',
d) A code name for a malfunctioning scud missile.

5. Danny Cipriani's withdrawal from the Gloucester EDF game was due to:

a) A hair appointment,
b) An ankle injury,
c) A Kelly Brook 'meeting',
d) Visiting Jonny Wilkinson's bedside.

6. Lions flank Cobus "Baywatch" Grobbelaar is:

a) The next great Springbok fetcher,
b) David Hasselhoff's evil twin brother,
c) The direct descendent of twelfth century monarch Richard the Lionhof,
d) Famous for training in a red Speedo.

7. The 2009 Bledisloe Cup will feature a match in:

a) Hong Kong,
b) Perpignan,
c) Denver,
d) Wembley,
e) All of the above.

8. Leicester fly-half Derick Hougaard's nickname "Liefling" means:

a) Sexy pants,
b) Darling,
c) Little wet leaf,
d) Coach's pet,
e) Headache.

9. In France, a team is said to have taken a "fanny" when:

a) They sign an expensive All Black,
b) Their hooker has long blond hair,
c) Are unable to score in a heavy defeat,
d) They release a nude calendar,
e) They take a 'working lady' on tour to ensure all the players' needs are catered for.

10. Peter de Villiers' gameplan comes from:

a) Years of coaching experience,
b) Years a substance abuse,
c) A lucky packet,
d) Revelations 3:15,
e) The government,
f) His press officer,
g) Gameplan? What gameplan?

11. Rupeni Caucaunibuca is:

a) The world's fastest gut in rugby boots,
b) The world's biggest gut in rugby boots,
c) Fiji's minister of foreign affairs,
d) Who is Rupeni Caucaunibuca ?

12. Former All Black scrum-half Justin Marshall joined Montpellier because:

a) He wanted to be closer to Byron Kelleher,
b) It will improve his chances of winning the European Cup,
c) Ospreys' health care plan doesn't cover pensioners,
d) They have a beach.

13. Proof that modern man evolved from Neanderthals is best illustrated by:

a) Archeological artifacts discovered at the Lascaux caves,
b) Springbok flank Schalk Burger's jaw-line,
c) Wallaby flank Phil Waugh's forehead,
d) Any time France lock Sebastien Chabal runs towards a defensive line.

14. The French term "demi de m�l�e" means:

a) A half-pint and a packet of crisps
b) Scrum-half
c) Half a punch-up
d) Demi Moore's derriere

15. "Putting Rugby First" is:

a) A support group for recovering football fans
b) A policy for television coverage in pubs
c) An organisation of IRB haters
d) The title for upcoming Sonny Bill Williams' autobiography